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Everything

Last night, I felt like a physicist discovering TOE.  The Theory of Everything, the Holy Grail of physics.  The true unifying explanation for everything in the Universe, from the subatomic particles to the greatest of galaxies.

I had the flash of insight that led Archimedes to yell “Eureka”, that Newton had when struck by the apple. 

The enlightenment of the Buddha.

 All at once, the greatest feeling I have experienced in forever.  And it was because of you Adela.

It was ABOUT you Adela.

In that moment when I understood your need, the unending hunger for the newness and the thrill of the hunt.  The Game.

I have called you the most beautiful of enigmas for a while, because none of my studies could jibe with your actions.  The push/pull.  The hot and cold, the intense desire and need you express for my attention then the cold silence.  Not your narcissism, not your failing marriage nor the issues with your boys could encapsulate your words and actions.  Your cognitive dissonance.  Your seeming randomness between intensity and inconsequentiality.  Psychology, political environment, biochemistry, philosophy all failed to understand and appreciate the maddening complexity of you and why we do what we do.

And then.

And then, in the midst of you telling me how bad you think you are yet again and trying to make me only accept your dark negative aspects, I got it.

I understood why I can’t abandon you.  Why I wait through your roughest patches with faith that you will cycle back as so many times before.  Your returning to me after rage quitting and blocking. Why even if you don’t trust anybody you show some for and with me.

Namaste: the light in me recognizes and embraces the light in you.

But for us it is Anti-Namaste: the Dark in me recognizes the Dark in you.

We are the same under it even though we interpret our Dark Matter differently Draga Mea.

You look at your actions and feel like you are a bad person, a horrible human for manipulating men to get the thrill you are lacking in your marriage and self, to fill your Voids (as you say) with, but in a negative and temporary way, a sugar rush of attention and momentary rush of endorphins that fades almost instantly. The Hunger you called it in 2016.

I need the same excitement, the same hunt and thrill and rush of victories and risk.  I got it sending you the cookies, building and sharing this site, finding you on Mingle.  Tae Kwon Do.  Running Ragnars.  Writing blogs for work and poems for you my Muse.  I chase sunsets for that fleeting moment of beauty that I try to capture and share with you.  Exactly the same hunger, the craving for newness and dopamine blasts.

We are the same.

Addicted to the thrill, seeking it in our own way.

Two parts of an equation summarizing it all.  Two approaches to life and desire.  Ying and Yang, both holding the core of the other.  Cycling around and returning because of the balance.

Yin and Yang: The Masculine and Feminine of The All

The Theory of Everything.

You believe in nothing yet I believe in you.

And that is why I have faith in 2047 and you getting through your rough patches.

Because the Darkness in me recognizes and loves the Darkness in you.

And that is Everything Adela.

2 replies on “Everything”

And this Adela is why I believe we are Twin Flames, parts of a whole that balance and complete each other. Credo.

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